Ok, since people have been asking, I'm making a list of stuff I want. So my birthday is Saturday...which means I really don't expect much, given the lateness of my announcement on the matter. XD If you could say "hey", though, that would be cool.


Things I want most, but are unreasonable to ask of anyone:

• Legal name change ($200)
  
• Chest reconstruction ($6,000)
  

The expensive stuff

• XBox 360 or PS3 (either one. Used or new. just wanna play rockband and MUA2)
  
• Wii (to go with my wii fit)
  
• Batman - The Complete Animated Series ($130)
  
• Beatles Rockband for one of those systems...once I have it
  
• GPS for my car
  
• Flip HD digital camcorder or Alptec HD digital camcorder
  
• Wacom Bamboo tablet ($100)
  
• A new sewing machine

Regular stuff

• The Dark Knight 2 disc special edition
  
• The Watchmen Director's cut (or Amazon special edition director's cut in Owl ship...though that's expensive)
  
• Watchmen: Tales of the Black Freighter DVD
  
• Deadwood DVDs
  
• MST3K DVDs
  
• Marvel/DC/Movie t-shirts.
  
• Dark Knight Joker poker/playing card set
  
• Gonzo by Hunter S. Thompson et al. (photo book)
  
• Joker stuff
  
• Pirate stuff

Comics

• Batman: The Dark Knight Returns TPB
  
• Batman: Year One tpb
  
• Batman: The Black Glove
  
• Batman: R.I.P.
  
• Scud the Disposable Assassin

Small stuff

• Dennys or IHOP giftcard
  
• Lunch at Five Guys
  
• argyle socks
  
• sock garters
  
• Hunter S Thompson books (Not Fear and Loathing or Rum Diaries)
  
• The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
  
• How-to books on t-shirt/clothes modding
  
• Foam and fabric suitable for puppet/muppet making
  
• acrylic paints

(And there's always my cluttered crappy Amazon wish list.)

So, I set up a store on Etsy. Working on getting more stuff in there now. Money will be used largely in funding my transition.

Etsy: Your place to buy & sell all things handmade melancholyhumor.etsy.com

Ok, so, I am 15 days on T-gel. Feeling pretty good. I've got zits, which sucks, but I've managed to keep it down to 2 or so at a time so my face is not a complete disaster area.
I have mustache hairs coming in, but they are probably just the ones I already had. Hair has, however, filled in the bald spots on my legs. I do not know why I had bald spots on my lower legs, but they are gone now.

I am as hungry as a baby elephant, but I've been working out as often as I can. So far, I've managed to keep my weight gain to about 3 pounds, if anything. I should really start measuring myself because now that I'm putting on muscle, my weight means very little.

Next week is my last week working at the Daytona 500 Experience, so I will be trying to sell art very soon.
My grandmother has helpfully paid off all of my credit cards, for which I am very very grateful. Now I just need some kind of insurance. I have a new and better doctor who isn't too pricey, but I would feel better if my medications were covered. Plus I have reoccurring tight muscle rings that constrict my esophagus and make it impossible to eat unless I get my throat stretched by a doctor. (I know it sounds dirty) It would need doing less often, but it's made worse by wearing restrictive clothing...like a binder.

Today, I called out of work to go to Disney. I am a very mature and responsible adult.

( To do in 2009 )

Hey there. Since the divorce and the move I need a new source of income! To those ends, I'm taking art commissions and donations. In the meantime, however:
FREE BUTTONS!!!

Amazon

I add things from other stores to my amazon list as well, so it's pretty one-stop-shopping.
I'll add other things here as they come to me.

I'm having some trouble making a big decision, so I'm looking for opinions. Keep in mind, I retain the right to veto even a majority vote ;)
First, the facts:

Right now, I live with my husband, girlfriend, and a roommate. Dan, my husband, and I are just friends now that I've decided to go through with gender transition. I've moved into the spare bedroom now and our girlfriend (polyamory, you see) has moved into the master bedroom with him.
I'm comfortable, but I'm worried about going on Testosterone while at my current job. I have some emotional issues, which I take care of with medication, but I worry about my anger getting out of hand again when I start T, plus I worry about needing time off from a job that doesn't allow for it. I only work 3 days a week, but it's nearly impossible to get days off, if the need arises.

My mother's roommate is in the process of moving out currently. This would leave her in a three bedroom house on her own, and she's welcomed me to move back in for a while if I need. She has also offered to pay for me to go to Hair/beauty school. She, herself, is a barber and wants to assure I always have a good career to fall back on.
Wherever I go, I plan to sell commissioned sketches and paintings to help pay for transition.

I went to Asheville for Halloween, and it was gorgeous. Terana, whose birthday I went for, was awesome. She is in need of a new place and a roommate. I'm inclined to help out there, but the timing is bad for a lot of reasons.

Poll #1296910 Living conditions
Open to: Friends, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 2

Where should I be living in the coming new year?

Weight loss - at a standstill. I just seem to go back and forth from 205-210 without any real loss. Been taking Slimquick for about 3 weeks and working out 20-40 minutes a day 3 days a week. Blar. Will move it up to 5 days a week.

Tattoo Internship - Wasn't chosen. Not even the second choice, I don't think. They were never going to tell me. I was only told because I went by in person. They were, of course, "just about to call".

Birthday - Another year older on the 24th. God, I'm old. Too old to be 'finding myself', anyway. I planned to just spend this year with family and close friends. Maybe go out to dinner or to Halloween Horror Nights. Bruiser wants me to have a party, and I guess it is our one big social thing of the year, so it makes sense. However, I am feeling a little down for dealing with rejection. She convinced me it would be ok, and so I gave the ok for inviting people. So far, no responses to my myspace invite or pirate invite aside from one "no". I shouldn't be having a party.

Halloween - I want to go to Asheville, NC for my friend's Halloween/b-day party. I want a road trip. I don't even know if I can get the time off from work, though, and I have no one willing/available to make the 8 hour car ride with me. It might be another year of sitting around.

Transition - Can't go on T without going full-time for 3 months. Can't pass without top-surgery, losing massive amounts of weight, or both. Can't afford surgery. Probably can't get a loan. I would lose my job if I left for 2 weeks for recovery, also, making the money even more of an issue. I don't even know what to do next. I can't bind without having asthma attacks and, even when I do bind I still don't pass at all.

Sorry for the emo-fest. Just feeling kind of down. Thought I'd make a list of issues to help with dealing with them. Now I can work on checking them off.

I just shaved my face for the first time.

Who wants to touch me?

It's traversing these damned nauseating ups and downs that's killing me. That's the real ugly bastard of it all. For every clear-eyed moment of glorious epiphany --every second in which I am fully and resolutely sure that I am doing the right thing-- there is a corresponding profound low or devastating defeat.

I have lost five more pounds. I am planning to discuss with my doctors either beginning T very soon or just outright apply for the loan for top surgery. All is well and right in my own microchosm. I am the glowing glorious center of my universe.
I got a new binder today which does not cause me to feel I have some butterball of circus sideshow proportions sitting on my chest. It is also velcro, which is far and away easier to put on alone and less like making my own do-it-yourself fat bastard sausage. I am pleased.
However, I was also made to cry today. I felt like an idiot, but I couldn't help it. With the agreement to separate and the pending dissolution of my marriage, I'm lonely. I worry I'm just getting my first taste of a possible lifetime of loneliness. What if, as a man, I am wholly unlovable and I die alone? From the perspective of a writer, this will be magnificent for inspiration. It will be utter shit for my ego, however.

That horror show of a 'what if' laid aside, I got on with my day. I made the best of it. I shook an irate fist at the Toyota dealership, and will be receiving a new windshield, gratis. I had a terrifying asthma attack, but cured it with french toast for dinner at 11pm. Tomorrow there will be work. There will be work and calling DaVinci Tattoos about the internship. The possibility of rejection there brings me to near pant-soiling nervousness.

I should sleep, but I can't.
My home has become uncomfortable and I fear it's my own fault.